Changing Minds, Changing Behaviours: A Day in the Life of Work to Tackle Stalking

 

One of our dedicated team of behaviour change practitioners, Aleasha Mee, writes about the highs and lows of delivering our programme to tackle stalking behaviour.

 

No two days delivering COBI – the Compulsive Obsessive Behaviour Intervention – are ever the same. You can walk into the same room, sit at the same desk, and log into the same system, but everything beyond that? It shifts, shaped by the stories, struggles, and progress of each participant you support.

 

It’s 9:00am and I’m prepping for my first session of the day. The kettle’s on, the biscuit tin is ready – not just for politeness, but because creating a welcoming space, even virtually, matters. I scan over my notes from last week: he mentioned his dog, Max. I’ll remember to ask. It’s not just small talk – it’s connection – it’s how you build trust.

 

Not just an intervention – a mirror, a torchlight and sometimes a life raft.

 

We start every participant journey with an in-depth assessment – their needs, their risks, their story. From that, we build a personalised plan. It might be twelve sessions on paper, but in practice, it’s fluid. If someone’s struggling that week with harmful thoughts, we pivot. We meet them where they are. COBI is dynamic because life is.

 

Session one today is a man with low confidence and high resistance. He has a Stalking Protection Order and, at first, didn’t say a word. Didn’t do the homework. Turned up late. Dismissive. You learn not to take it personally. Still, it rattles you sometimes – the anxiety starts as soon as one session ends, knowing another is coming. That’s where clinical supervision helps. We talk, we debrief, we support each other. You can’t do this job alone.

 

But then, over time – and it can be weeks – the smallest shift happens. Last week, he said, “I’ve never really talked to anyone like this.” This week, he’s on time. No pyjamas. Looked me in the eye. That’s not just progress. That’s courage.

 

Empathy over sympathy. Rapport over judgement.

 

COBI is skills-based, but those skills are wrapped in care. We teach participants how to sit with discomfort, how to spot urges, how to pause before acting. We practice mindfulness, we check in, we check out and we follow up. We might request a welfare check on the back of something they tell us that we think may pose a risk. And in between? If they need guidance about a skill or want to go over a topic, they can call, email or ask about a situation. We are supporters, not spectators.

 

Sometimes we make small, appropriate disclosures that build rapport. This motivational interviewing technique can help people to open up and create connection. Sharing just enough of ourselves – when done carefully – can help break down resistance, build trust, and lay the foundation for genuine rapport. Sometimes, that’s the turning point.

 

Some people thank you in cards. Others just… smile differently.

 

There was one man who was isolated, with a history of harassment online with agoraphobia. At the start, for the sessions where we met remotely, he wouldn’t look at the camera. By session eight, he made a joke. Smiled. He noticed it too, and when I told him I’d noticed, he beamed. He’d started shaving again. Getting dressed. The intervention was working – not just in stopping negative behaviours, but in rebuilding him.

 

Not every case is like that. Some participants are deeply resistant. They deny everything. Some blame the victims. Those are the hardest sessions. You have to listen even harder. Catch the one thing they do admit – “I get really angry when I’m ignored” – and work with that. We’re not here to prove guilt. Sometimes we can’t get through and we’re not always successful. Some people are not ready to change at that moment, but we have to try, and perhaps plant the seeds of future change.

 

Safeguarding is constant.

 

You have to be ready for disclosure – abuse, trauma, self-harm, relapse. The work is emotional. The content is distressing. You carry it home sometimes, but you also carry the wins. The woman who gets a job, the man who stops blaming others and starts looking inwards or the participant who says, “I didn’t realise how much I was doing this until we talked.”

 

At its heart, COBI is about helping people replace uncomfortable urges with something better. It’s about showing them – gently, persistently – that their story isn’t over. It’s about turning skills into habits, and habits into hope.

 

A Day in the Life

 

So, what’s a day in the life of a behaviour change practitioner tackling stalking?

 

It’s a cup of tea, a difficult disclosure, a diary card, a moment of mindfulness. It’s catching a participant out – kindly – with their own words. Emails about housing. Calls about safeguarding. It’s appropriate humour, tiny breakthroughs, and the long road of change. It’s clinical supervision, tears behind the scenes, and cheering silently when someone says, “I think I’m starting to get it.”

 

It’s challenging, human, real. And it’s worth it.