Our participant Sam talks about how taking part in our Challenging Unhealthy Relationships Beliefs and Behaviours (CURBB) programme helped him change his relationships for the better.

 

I had some issues with being a drug addict. I got clean (four years clean) and then it all went wrong again.

 

The night that things fell apart, it actually started in the daytime where I was asked to go to a party with friends and family. I could always have a drink. That wasn’t ever my issue.

 

I decided to go with a bottle of vodka, which in the past has been okay and been fine. I’ve known my limits. But this particular time, I went too far. I got drunk to the point I didn’t know where I was. And then, it fell apart once I got home where I don’t remember any of it.

 

But I got aggressive towards my family and smashed my house up. And then the following day, I got arrested. Getting arrested and getting put in that car and put in a cell was a very daunting situation.

Going to court or changing behaviour

My options from the police at the time were to go on the CURBB course or to go to court.

 

I hadn’t heard about the course until I got arrested.

 

When I got offered the program, obviously that was the safer option to go for. But once I’d heard about it, I would hope that it would probably help me bring up some of my past and be able to deal with it.

 

There was a lot of things that went on in my life that I’ve never dealt with. And my wife had said to me before, I haven’t dealt with anything in my life. When I took drugs or drank, that pain used to come up.

 

I’ve always been told that I needed to talk about my past, which I never did.

Expectations of the CURBB programme

At the beginning I thought the course was an easy way out – sort of a get-me-out-of-jail card! Jail or do a bit of schoolwork. I thought it would be a very boring course.

 

But as soon as I went and started the course, it was one-to-one with a really nice person and it turned into something I really enjoyed. I realised it was a really good option for me.

 

My behaviour change practitioner Amy was a really good person to talk to. It wasn’t just talking about what had happened, it was about how I was feeling. It was like going to talk to my mum. She wouldn’t judge. It was nice to actually speak to someone like that.

 

The biggest motivation of taking part in the CURBB program was to just learn why I am the way I have been and to talk to someone and actually try and conquer what is going on in my head.

 

I knew in myself that I wasn’t 100% ever. I always knew that there were demons still there. Even though I kept saying that I was four years clean and everything’s great, there were still those moments of me being a plumber driving around in a van 24/7 half the time, having a lot of time on my own where I would think of how I treated people and what I’ve done.

 

I had a lot of money at the time. And instead of buying a house or taking my family on those holidays, I decided to take drugs instead. So there were a lot of times where I felt like: “I do need to deal with this”.

Talking through past traumas

Talking about my past for the first time actually felt really nice. I felt like when I was speaking to Amy, it was like talking to a really good friend. She made me feel really comfortable for me to be able to be myself and tell her whatever was going on in my head.

 

It was the first time I opened up, definitely. There’s things I probably haven’t even spoken to my wife about. I think it’s a different situation when you’re family. You don’t want to say too much because not that you’re hiding anything, but you don’t want to bring that household down. Whereas going into a room with someone you don’t know but you still feel comfortable with is a hell of a lot easier just to let it all out.

 

I didn’t find it as difficult to talk about those feelings with Amy. I think because of what had happened anyway, I felt like I needed to just let everything out and actually do something I haven’t done before and see if it does work.

 

The things I wanted to deal with in the past were many things, all from the age of six, looking after my mum, growing up with an alcoholic father, seeing violence with that alcoholic father, and going through addiction, losing my mother, there was a lot of things that were buried that I haven’t dealt with. But when I talked about it, it was like a weight off my shoulders, definitely.

 

Things I learned about myself was how to control how I feel, whereas before I’d just almost explode. Being able to talk about my feelings of being down, being angry, just feeling non-existent sometimes. Learning how to deal with those sort of feelings and not putting myself down for everything I’ve done to people.

 

I would always look back on what I had lost – I lost my mother, I lost money. I used to beat myself up on that a lot. But Amy made me realise: “You just need to move on because it’s not going to bring you back.”

 

I felt heard by Amy. She gave me tools for my emotions and to help me learn to deal with certain things.

Life after the CURBB programme

After that course, I was just like, “Do you know what? I feel actually quite good.” I think it’s just getting it all out and actually talking to someone about it.

 

Just doing that course has taught me to just get on with your life and have a good life instead of being down in the dumps all the time.

 

It was a bad thing that happened but it turned into a really good thing.

 

Doing this course has impacted my relationships in a really good way. I used to struggle day-to-day. Nine times out of ten, I would come home a bit grumpy. But I come home a lot happier now. I know how to deal with certain feelings. It’s had a positive impact on my life.

 

I have really good relationships with my wife and kids and other friends. The relationship with my children now is amazing.

 

They witnessed a lot and to come out the other side and prove to them that I can be there for them and be their dad has made our whole family just a great place to be. Family is everything for me now.

 

My overall experience with the CURBB program was that it was interesting and I really enjoyed it. I was quite gutted it ended, to be honest with you!

 

I would say to other people that have been offered this program to go for it, it’s been really helpful and had a positive impact on my life.

 

Find out more –  our interventions – Interventions Alliance