Volunteering in a refuge
What is it like to volunteer in a refuge? Our refuge volunteer Becky, a mum of three and survivor of domestic abuse, talks through her experience of volunteering; her ambition to empower other women; helping them find themselves again and move forward with their lives.
Restarting life
I am a victim / survivor of domestic abuse. My ex was arrested during COVID19 and at the time the refuge space I was offered was the other end of the country away from all support. My children had health issues and I couldn’t be somewhere that I didn’t have help.
I remember it being very lonely and I didn’t feel heard. I didn’t feel like I mattered and I felt like a burden to some of the support services and people who were meant to help me.
I was stripped back to nothing and had to restart my life, I know how scary that is, how I felt that I wouldn’t be able to achieve anything, as that was something he had told me over and over again, I wouldn’t be able to cope without him!
Five years on and I am going strong, I have days when things get hard, when I may be triggered by different things, but I remind myself that I am safe now and I have moved forward with my life.
I decided to volunteer because I didn’t want another victim to feel how I felt. I want to allow them to feel heard, understood and empower them to take some of those big steps in starting again. Show them that happiness and a future is achievable and in touching distance.
A day in the life of a volunteer
A volunteering day can vary in so many ways. Coffee mornings are lovely, I sit and talk with people in refuge, about how their day or week has been, if there is anything pressing that they need help with. This form of work is lovely as we support one another and float ideas that may help others with specific issues they are facing in family court, police investigations, sleep disturbances, housing and/or mental health.
One-to-one support varies, this can be filling out right to choose forms for neurodiversity screening; finding local support services, clubs and social groups that may be of interest to them; support in writing emails, filling in other forms; supporting mental health and helping make calls where needed.
I have gone from helping someone in an assessment, helping with communication and guidance to speaking to someone about mental health struggles and suggesting services that may be able to help, to being asked by a young child to go with her and her Mummy to nursery school to drop her off. Days can sometimes be very planned to very varied.
For me, each day is different in each refuge but being adaptable and open to what I can do to help really helps me apply myself to each situation I may be faced with.
The qualities needed to be a volunteer
Volunteers need to have empathy, patience and dedication, actually showing people that they care and matter.
Adaptability to work with a wide range of people – including those with high care needs, to those who struggle with communication to those who may only want to discuss the weather.
It’s important to think before you speak, to be mindful and trauma-informed at all times.
I have sometimes wondered what I bring to the table due to things that have been said to me in the past having an impact on my self-belief. However, I have had some very lovely feedback from staff and interactions with others. I do not go through a shift without someone thanking me for my time or for helping them.
What has shocked me the most has been that as much as I am helping others and hearing their problems and stories, at times I don’t feel alone in mine. I relate to their scenarios and am able to offer genuine empathy, advice from survivor to survivor but also hope that you can rebuild your life after abuse.
Advice to someone thinking of volunteering
The advice I would give someone is to consider if you are able to commit to the role, to show true care and consideration to those you are supporting so that they can feel cared about and like they matter.
I volunteer within school hours when my children are at school, I speak to the refuge manager and discuss my hours month by month but if anything comes up, they are very kind and flexible.
Make sure you plan in time for your own personal wellbeing, you cannot pour from an empty cup. Even on your hard days, you need to be present and show that you care.
Be certain you can dedicate time and not to take on too much, each of the people you will encounter are at hard times within their life, make sure you want to be someone they remember for all the right reasons and not because you have left shortly after you have began.
But most of all, this can be one of the most rewarding journeys to travel, seeing how someone grows and begins to live life for themselves and leave the past behind them, it is a beautiful feeling to know that you have been part of that journey to find themselves again.
The experience within refuge has definitely changed me. It has made me more determined to help others, it’s made me appreciate everything, especially those I interact with.
Besides being a mum to three lovely neurodivergent children, this is one of the most humbling, rewarding and worthwhile achievements and not a day goes by that I do not love doing what I do.